1. A goal is a desired result. In order to achieve this goal you have to be motivated and committed to fulfill your goal.the biggest goal so far in my life is getting in LAGCC nursing program. This is an very important goal because it will be the jump start to my career of leading me into the nursing field.In order for me to get in this program i will need to have a certain grades to obtain,the requirement,obstacles that might come in my way is not meeting the requirements.I will need plenty of support from loves ones to cheer me on.
2. To every goal there is a certain standards to be set in order to accomplish it. In my case my goals has educational requirements to be set.Such as obtaining an A or A- in ENG101 and having a GPA of 3.08.Getting B's is not acceptable. In order for me to avoid getting B's or other low grades I have to complete all homework assignments on time,get to class on time,participate and be more open when i don't understand the material that is being taught.To take charge of this situation i will need to cut work hours.Its also important to improve my studying skills and habits. Being motivated and knowing I'm in this close to my dreams will help me to work hard in all my classes. Motivation is a very important thing to keep a part of you while trying to achieving your goal.
3. However in process of completing my goal there are many obstacles and challenges that gets in the way. Sometimes things are easier said then done.While trying to complete my assignments temptation come in my way such as going to parties with friends, shopping and just plain laziness. I need to make my school work my first priority and everything else comes after. Working toward this goal will take patience,and hard work cause nothing get handed to you in a silver platter.With the support from family and friends all will be right.I need to have faith that iam getting closer everyday to achieving my goal. I have to never give up or let bad thoughts bring me down all i have to do is keep my eyes in the prize. According to Brian Tracy" Goals in writing are dreams with deadlines lines".Achieving this goal will no longer be a deadline for me it will be a reality that is completed.
4. in conclusion achieving is not easy there are many challenges that you face in order to get where you want to be.Being successful you will need to make sacrifices such as studying more ask more questions and participating in class. Having an major accomplishments in your life you will need to set it up as a goal in order to succeed. As for me i will need to work hard, party less and stay positive in all my works.
how is my word format,grammar, spellings and sentence structures.
ReplyDeleteINTRODUCTION
ReplyDeleteSTRONGEST POINT.
Your strongest point in your essay is they way you stay on task and on topic some people tend to lose the topic and drift into another topic. Another strong point of this essay are your punctuations, you use them when needed but your spacing in your essay needs to be fixed. When you transition into another paragraph its good. You also have a quote in body paragraph #2 which caught my eye which is good and you sited who it was from but, you could’ve put it in the beginning as an attention grabber.
Thesis Clear?
Yes.
Is it one sentence (not more or less) and a statement rather than a question?
Yes, the thesis is one sentence.
How could the thesis be strengthened?
The thesis is fine it gets to the point, you just need to capitalize the beginning of the thesis statement. (Just something to look over)
Is there any “attention getting” aspect to the intro and how could it be improved (or can you suggest any ideas if there isn’t one?
Besides your statement on how you're going through your essay, there is no attention grabber in the beginning. you actually have it in body paragraph #2, but it should be in the introduction because its a very good quote.
Is there a clear “essay map”? Could it be improved?
Yes, there actually is a essay map in your essay because you talk about the obstacles and the requirements. one suggestion is maybe you can add another one just to expand the reader's mind on your goal. maybe talk about what you need from your family so u know they’re supporting you.
Do the elements provided in the “essay map” line up exactly with the topics of the body paragraphs (and are they in the same order)?
Yes which is great because you sort of have an outline so the reader knows what you're going to talk about. Your outline is in the same order in your body paragraphs as they were presented in your introduction.
Is there any extra “fluff”/filler or other “warm up” generic stuff in the intro that should be cut?
No you kept it on track and down to the point.
Body Paragraph #1
Is topic sentence clear?
Yes, you kept in clear and focused.
Does it obviously relate to and support the thesis?
Yes.
How could it be strengthened?
In my eyes the topic sentence is fine.
Do details adequately support the topic sentence?
Yes, but i think you should expand into detail more.
Is there a nice mix of “kinds” of detail?
Yes, but it would be better to expand more into detail to make it more specific.
Put spacing between the words and punctuation.
ReplyDelete